The Year of The Wedding & the Skill That Shapes Better Conversations

2025 was “The Year of The Wedding” for Henry and me. Between May and October, we were invited to seven weddings. Seven!

And I’m happy to report that love is alive and well! All seven couples are terrific matches.

One of the highlights was when our niece, Maddie and her fiancé, Joe asked us to officiate their wedding over Memorial Day weekend. As Henry joked during the ceremony, “When you two asked us to be your officiants, you may not have known exactly what you were getting into!”

We took our roles seriously.

First, we spent two hours on Zoom hearing Maddie and Joe’s story. And then, they each completed a Marriage Preparation Inventory including their personality traits and values and goals, and expectations. And, finally, they came to our home in Portland for a weekend of deeper conversation.

During that weekend, they talked openly about what each of them wants in life, individually, and how they want to grow together as a married couple. And they bravely role-played using ‘I’ Statements such as,

• “I would appreciate it when…”

• “I’m concerned about…”

• “I’m disappointed…” Or

• “I’m mad.”

We wanted them to practice how to have honest conversations about tough topics, without getting defensive or blaming the other person or creating a winner and a loser in an argument.

And here’s the interesting part: Using ‘I’ Statements isn’t just a marriage skill. It’s a communication skill. ‘I’ Statements can strength every relationship, both personal and professional. In fact, ‘I’ Statements are central to my Confidence Project presentation called, “Speak with Confidence. Strengthen Your Team.”

Here’s the 3-Step Model I teach any of my clients for all difficult conversations.

Step #1: Acknowledge or Empathize

• “I hear you...”

• “I can appreciate this is frustrating.”

• “I can see that you’re irritated.” Or

• “I could have said that differently.”

Step #2: Ask for Clarification

• “Can you clarify what you mean?”

• “Can you give me an example, please?”

• “Help me understand.” Or

• “What would make this work better for both of us?”

Step #3: Use your ‘I’ Statement

• “I’m concerned about…”

• “I’m frustrated…”

• “I’d prefer…”

• “I’d appreciate it if…” Or

• “Yeah, I get it…and here’s my perspective.”

Put it all together and it can sound like this: “I can see that you’re irritated. Help me understand how you see the problem… Yeah, I get it…and here’s my perspective.”

This approach keeps the conversation respectful and direct and productive.

That weekend, watching Maddie and Joe practice difficult conversations was so uplifting for Henry and me AND for them. They could see that using ‘I’ Statements changes the tone, eases tension and moves the conversation from defensiveness to curiosity to understanding. They took this skill seriously. And when we dropped them off at the airport, it was as if they floated through the doors. It was really cool! They felt understood and more connected to each other, and confident as they stepped into married life.

Difficult conversations are difficult. But with practice, you can build the muscle and strengthen relationships and grow your confidence, too.

Thanks for reading.